I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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