I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
