So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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