Ambien. No doubt about it.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
