WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
