this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize