just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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