they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
