There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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