Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
