I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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