are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
