How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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