there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
