Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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