you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
