i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
