Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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