Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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