I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
