At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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