im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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