If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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