yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
