He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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