No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
