Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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