we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
