Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
