very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
