Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
