My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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