if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
