there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
