I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
