I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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