my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
