Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
