I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You ate ashes out of my bong
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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