Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
