We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
