My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
