I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
