There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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