I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
