I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
