You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize