somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
