OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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