it was like having sex with a tree stump
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
