He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BRING THE BAGELS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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