im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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