dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
