My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
