You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
