I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
