Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
