Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
