Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
