why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
