I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
