hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
