Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
