I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
