Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
