They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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