after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
