dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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