when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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