Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
